Y’all get ready for this one. Gird your loins. Dress
for battle. This bitch takes a while. Like three days. I'm not exaggerating.
I literally did puff early on because I wanted to
say I had done puff. I had other challenges coming up that required puff, and I
knew I couldn’t store buy puff until I had made it because it’s part of my
challenge. One doesn’t just always make puff. One makes puff once to say they
have made it, and then one moves on with ones life.
I took the liberty of underlining each time you have
to put this shit back in the fridge to chill, just so you know.
Ingredients:
150 g chilled strong white bread flour, plus extra for
dusting
150 g chilled all-purpose flour
Pinch of salt
2 large eggs
100ml cold water
250 g unsalted butter, preferably a good quality
Normandy butter * I used Aldi butter TBH
Day
One:
1. Put the flours, salt, and water into a large bowl
and gently mix with your fingers until incorporated.
2. Transfer the dough to a floured surface and knead
for 5 – 10 minutes until smooth. The dough will feel a little tight at this
stage *so will your arms, if we’re honest.
3. Shape the dough into a ball and put in a plastic bag
to chill overnight, or at least 7 hours.
Day
Two:
1. Flatten the butter into a rectangle, about 40 cm x
19 cm by battering it down with your rolling pin. Return to the fridge for
an hour to harden again. *Dude… This was a pain in the ass. What I saw
someone do on youtube AFTER I did this was cut the butter into little pats and
put them into a rectangle. THEN you can smooth it all together way more easily
(or so I assume). *Paul (first name basis) said that you can put it between two
sheets of plastic wrap to make it easier. I don’t know if it was easier, but it
was cleaner.
2. Roll out the dough into a rectangle, about 60 cm x
20 cm. Put the butter on the dough so it covers the bottom two-thirds of the
dough. Make sure it covers almost to the edges.
3.
Lift the top one-third of the dough and fold over
half of the butter. Then fold the bottom half of the butter/dough on top. Now
you have a sandwich of two layers of butter and three of dough. *It’s like
folding a letter to mail put it in an envelope (if people still do this). Put
back in the bag and in the fridge and chill for one more hour.
4. Take the dough out of the bag and put it on a
floured surface with the short end facing you. Roll out to a rectangle like before,
keeping the edges as even as possible. *That’s the hard part…
5. Fold the top quarter down and the bottom corner up
to meet in the middle. Then fold the dough in half again at that middle line
like you’re making a book. Chill in the bag for one hour.*This is what you see in the picture here.
6. Take out the dough and put it on a floured surface
with the short end facing you (you see where this is going). Roll out into a
big rectangle again.
7. This time fold down one-third of the dough and fold
the bottom third over the top (like you did the first time). This is called a
single turn. Chill in the bag for another hour.
8. Take out the dough and do another fold like you did
the last time- a single turn. Chill in the bag overnight.
Day
Three:
Okay, so here’s where you can actually use your
dough to make whatever deliciousness you want. I did cream puffs because I hate
myself.
1. The recipe says to take 8 cream horn metal cones and
grease them. *DON’T fucking grease them. For the love of God. Don’t do it.
2. Use a knife (or a pizza cutter) to cut ½ inch wide
strips. Wind the pastry around the cone starting at the tip and overlapping
slightly until you run out of strip.
3. Put dough horns in freezer for about 30 minutes.
4. Preheat oven to 400 F.
5. Bake on parchment-lined sheet tray for about 20
minutes until golden brown. *I
did several trials here:
- froze for 30 minutes- baked at 400 F
- no freezing, still at 400 F
- no freezing, bumped up to 425 F
- finally, freezing again, and still bumped up to 425 F ** This one worked the
best for me and my oven. Freezing kept the dough together better and higher
temperature blasted the dough and not as much butter seeped out onto the
parchment paper during baking.
6. Now
while all that chaos is happening, you can make the filling which is literally
just whipped cream. Put one c heavy whipping cream, ½ c powdered sugar, and 1
tsp vanilla in a stand mixer with whisk attachment. Whisk until stiff peaks.
7. Put whipped cream in a piping bag and once the cream
horns are cooled, you can fill them with the whipped cream. *You can also dust with powdered sugar over the top. No one will be mad at that.
Rating (1 - 5):
Difficulty: 3
Time: 5
Awesomeness: 4
*Was it tasty? Yes. Was it tastier than
store-bought? Meh. Was it worth the time? Nope. Not at all.