Pretzels

Okay, so this challenge was for October. It felt appropriate. This actually wasn’t originally on my list. I had Japanese Cheesecake on my list, but then someone I know made one, and it wasn’t that exciting to me, so then I decided on pretzels instead.

I will NOT call this a failure (ahem, unlike the mirror glaze cake), but it wasn’t awesome, and I have some tips for people if they were going to try it. Do as I say, not as I did.

Here’s the recipe I used: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/74590937563889060/

Ingredients:

1 c whole milk

1 packet active dry yeast *I ended up using instant yeast (more on this later)

3 tbsp brown sugar

2 tbsp unsalted butter, melted

2 ¼ c flour

1 tsp salt

2 tbsp baking soda

1 ½ c warm water

Coarse salt (for topping) *I didn’t have this… I thought I did. Double check. You’ll want this.

2 tbsp butter, melted for brushing later

1. Warm the milk in the microwave or on the stove for about a minute until 110 F. If it’s too hot, it will kill the yeast. *Going on a long side note, so bear with me. First of all, I think my milk was bad. I tried doing this in the microwave at first, which I never do- I always do it on the stove. It started to separate and curdle. I was like WTF. I stirred it, and it seemed okay, so I checked my temp. DO NOT put it at 110F- the packet says BETWEEN 100 – 110F. Trust the packet. I usually try for about 105 in case of thermometer being off a bit or something. Anyway, so microwaved milk + yeast. Did nothing. Nothing. So then I was like Ima do this on the stove. What if the microwaving fucked up my milk? (I don’t know if that’s a thing, but I really didn’t want to go get more milk). Nope, same thing. So THEN, I went and bought new milk. Five dollar milk…. From the gas station… I’m still salty about it. Anyway, so I heat it on the stove to 105F and put in my yeast. It doesn’t do shit. I check my yeast- it doesn’t expire until 2020. SO, fourth attempt. I heated my milk and then had to use the instant yeast. I don’t think you’ll have this chaos that was my milk-gate 2018, so just use the active dry yeast. One would think it should be fine. Okay, back to the action. 

 

2. Stir in the active dry yeast and allow to sit for about 3 minutes. *It took me like 10 minutes for the yeast to be happy.
3. Add the butter and sugar. *Maybe you should add the sugar with the yeast? Yeast likes to eat sugar. Maybe this recipe is stupid and you shouldn’t listen to it. I say try to put the sugar with the milk and the yeast. I BET it will get happy faster. Everyone like sugar. Even yeast.
4. Once yeast is happy and butter and sugar are in, add flour one cup at a time. Then add salt.
5. Knead the dough for about 10 minutes in a stand mixer with the hook attachment or by hand until smooth and elastic. *I did a little of both. I am a new yeast dough-er, so I do the stand mixer, but then I still do some hand kneading because I am learning what it should look and feel like, and that’s easier with hands.
6. Place the dough in a greased bowl, turning once so that the whole ball is completely covered. Cover bowl with plastic wrap.

7. Let rise in a warm place for about an hour or until it doubles in size. **This is not my tip; it’s this author’s tip, but I liked it and used it. Preheat your oven to the lowest setting. Turn it off before you start kneading your dough. Place the covered dough in the warm oven to get fatty.

Making the dough into pretzels:

1. Remove dough from the bowl once it has risen.

2. Preheat oven to 400F.

3. Combine the warm water and baking soda into a bowl and set aside. *I call bullshit. I don’t think that this really did anything for my dough. I saw Trisha Yearwood, the day after I made this, do it a little differently. She had the water boiling on the stove. She put the baking soda in. I think this is better. More details in a minute.

4. Punch down the dough and turn out onto a lightly floured surface. *Maybe if you have a fancy kitchen with like marble countertops, you should flour. I have cheap laminate countertops. I do NOT want flour- you are about to try rolling these into snakes so you can twist into pretzels. The flour makes for zero traction while trying to roll.

5. Divide dough into 12 – 16 pieces. Roll the dough into logs (or snakes) as thin as you can. *I did 16 pieces, and I think maybe you should do 12. I had small snakes, and it made for stupid looking pretzels without clear twist definition.

6. Shape each dough into pretzel shapes. Here’s the video that I looked at (it’s the same one from the original recipe) https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=3&v=sFuwBOQWHPg

7. Dip them into the baking soda water. *I dipped them. I don’t think it did anything. Like I said, try out the boiling water. Trisha kept them in the water for like 30 – 45 seconds. I literally dipped and moved on. Try keeping them in longer. I think this will help with the crust on the pretzels.

8. Place on a greased baking sheet and sprinkle with coarse salt. *I just had regular iodized table salt, and this was sad. Don’t be like Jenna. Be better.

9. Bake for 7 – 11 minutes until browned.

10. While still hot out of the oven, brush with the melted butter. Serve with cheese sauce. * I did make this, see recipe below. It was pretty good. It’s not like a queso. Just know this going in. I was picturing like a nacho cheese. It’s not quite like that.

Cheese sauce

2 tbsp unsalted butter

2 tbsp flour

1 c milk

8 oz extra sharp cheese, shredded *don’t buy the pre-shredded stuff- it has an anti-caking agent on the outside so it doesn’t stick together- this means it doesn’t melt as nicely. Build up some forearm muscle and shred it yourself.

Pinch of salt *I also did a pinch of pepper because I think you always should.

1. In a small saucepan, melt the butter.

2. Whisk in the flour and cook for about 30 seconds, whisking continuously.

3. Slowly whisk in the milk until there are no more lumps.

4. Stirring constantly, bring the milk to a simmer over medium-low heat until it thickens (about 3 – 5 minutes).

5. Remove pan from heat and whisk in the shredded cheese, stirring until all melted together.

6. Add a pinch of salt (and pepper) to taste. 

Rating (Scale 1 - 5):

Difficulty: 2

Amount of time: 2

Awesomeness: 3

*I will say that I took them to the Halloween party that night, and they were gone immediately, so obviously they're not that bad, but I'm jaded. 

**also, here's me and my dog as hipster Ariel and Sebastian!